I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dicks are not precious.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
