look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
