if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
