oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
