well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
