Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
