true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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