I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
