I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
