Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
