If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
