GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
