I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
