just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
