Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize