If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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