I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i love accidental penises.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
