just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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