I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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