I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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