Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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