i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize