So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
