is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
