I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
