If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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