I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
