did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
