can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just cropdusted the office
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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