the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
