remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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