I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
