totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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