I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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