I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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