So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
