he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
