woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
