so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
