is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
