Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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