a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
