Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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