Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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