My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize