he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
