At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
