woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
