I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
