the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
