I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
