its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
