you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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