When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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