at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize