Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
