What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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