I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
