Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
