I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
