She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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