I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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