I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
