I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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