We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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