after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
