finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
