i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My vagina is officially offended.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
