I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
