The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
