Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
