i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
