I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
