dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
