my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize